Cracked advertisement.

So, the EZCracker ad came on TV today. My brother and I burst out laughing when we saw it. (Pardon me if I’m slow, I don’t watch a lot of TV) For the unaware, watch the video below.

The EZCracker

My first thought? “Dumbest. Product. Ever.”

The infomercial doesn’t help much with the image either. First off, it starts by insulting the intelligence of all humans who have the ability to cook (which is almost everyone).

It isn’t that difficult to crack an egg, people.

“Everyday” scenarios

#1: Cracked egg falls onto stove

This lady'd make a sharp shooter.

The only logical way I could think for this to happen is if you were aiming for the egg to go outside the pan.
Besides, if you were THAT bad of a cook, you wouldn’t be trying to crack an egg with one hand in the first place.

#2: Fork broke the egg

Seriously?

Did you see how hard she slammed her fork onto the egg? Who does that!? And even if you intended to crack the egg using just the fork, wouldn’t you expect to have to catch the other half of the shell?

#3: Egg smashed on counter

because flat surfaces are the best places to crack eggs on.

This one just takes the cake.

WHO ON EARTH CRACKS AN EGG ON THE COUNTER?? “And we’ve ALL done this”, so says the voice-over.

#4: Crack-mix

Look! She cracked an egg with her bare hands!

I love that she manages to crack the egg perfectly in this shot… but NO, that’s not enough! As if discontent, she has to go on and flick the shells such that bits of it fall into the mix!

Unfortunately, she'll never be able to do it without getting shells in her food.

Oh of course, how else would there be a market for the EZCracker, silly me.

So, to deal with these everyday egg problems that we all face,
Introducing…

THE EZCRACKER!!

It cracks eggs, no kiddin'.

And to make it even better, it comes with…

Fits yolks of all sizes!

An EGG SEPARATOR! Gasp! :O

Cracking eggs just got SO much easier!

Hahaha but seriously, I mock it with such fervour because I honestly don’t see why anyone would purchase this product, let alone benefit from it.

Does anyone really love eggs that much that they’d go out and get one of these tools to enrich their egg-cooking experience?

Cracking an egg takes like, what, 3 to 5 seconds? Including the time taken to toss the empty shells into the bin. With the EZCracker, you would have to load the egg into the gadget, squeeze the lever, then proceed to remove the empty shells from the clasps and dispose of them. After that, you’d have to wash the EZCracker. So it really doesn’t save you any time at all. Not to mention, it wastes plastic and it wastes water. PLUS, it’s more difficult to use the EZCracker with just one hand, than if you were to crack the egg yourself.

To end off, here’s one of my favourite pictures:

Noooooooo!

Oh, and don’t even get me started on the Bacon ~Wave~.